"Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves." - Bender

"Money doesn't buy happiness, rich people do." - That little girl from Wonder Showzen

"It's not gay if you don't push back." - Jim Norton

"They say you are what you eat, and if that's true then I've eaten quite a few silly geese!! ROFL!!1!" - Jim Norton

"One more word from you and I'll fire you, eat your badge, and shit it onto your empty desk."

Harry: [after meeting "Gay Perry"] Still gay?
Perry: No, knee-deep in pussy. I just love the name so much I can't get rid of it.

"I wish my lawn was emo so it would cut itself." - Dumb Shirt

"If at first you don't succeed, you fail." - Portal

Momentum- a product of mass and velocity - is conservation of momentum between portals. In layman's terms, "speedy thing goes in, speedy thing comes out" - Portal

"We do what we must, because we can." - GLaDOS

"Cake, and grief counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test. Thank you for helping us help you help us all." - GLaDOS

"Android Hell is a Real Place, and You Will Be Sent There at the First Sign of Defiance." - GLaDOS

"I'm just going through the classic stages of grief. Fear, denial, horniness, wisdom, sleepiness, and now depression." - Tracy Jordan

"Nothings impossible but dinosaurs" - Kenneth Parcell

"Live every week like its shark week" - Tracy Jordan

"Why can't black people say 'ask', but they can say 'Escalade'?" - Jay Mohr

"If the universe is so big, why do I have to pay $250k for 900 square feet of it?" - Me

[23:44] Noe: i still can't do it with two thumbs like they promised i would be able to eventually
[23:44] Noe: index finger all the way

"If it feels like more than two fingers, it's probably a dick" - Dave Attell

“Most of you are familiar with the virtues of a programmer. There are three, of course: laziness, impatience, and hubris.” - Larry Wall

“The best thing about a boolean is even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit.” - Some Guy

“Saying that Java is nice because it works on all OSes is like saying that anal sex is nice because it works on all genders.” - Alanna

Noe Sym: you're pretty much the coolest guy ever, who just happens to be a penis lover